Hero

I was a very proper child. I was quiet, keeping to myself; shy, even. I played by myself without making much noise so that you'd hardly even know I was in the room. I had a large miniature car collection that I lined up across the floor in my room, creating endless traffic jams and adding voices to the tiny, invisible people behind the wheel that were just trying to make it home.

Back then I was always the hero of the story. I'd save the girl, my people, and come home to a large feast. But then you grow up and you let go of some of those dreams. You learn to view the world differently and that gives you freedom. No longer burdened by the stereotypes of the hero (doing the right thing) you learn to do things your own way, stand your ground in life, and become yourself.

You grow because you witness, and live, and feel. And sometimes what you witness, and live, and feel, make you bitter. It affects you negatively and you don't like the person you become. I certainly wish I could spend my days playing with my miniature cars. Things were a whole lot simpler back then. I miss that. I don't like the world I live in. The truth isn't true and the lies have been bought and paid for. And I don't know who to believe, the ones who deceive me knowingly or the ones who have come to believe the lies.

The people that have don't need and those who need can't get. The rich get richer and I can't get overtime anymore. And my city is overrun with gangs and wannabe gang-members who wear the colors and throw the signs just to get home from school without getting jumped for their boots. With all the injustice I see, I wonder when I'll grow out of this I-don't-really-give-a-fuck-anymore stage and start caring again.

But I have a good thing now, so I try to steer clear of all that. I just want to lay next to her and smell her hair so I don't fight much. I don't speak as loudly about certain things. I'm going back to that kid who sat in his room, lost in the things he loves. I'm proper again, but I haven't really mellowed out. I'm just biting my time, learning to live with the things that aren't so right. Because I can't fight everyone's battles. I can't fend off all the attacks. But I can make her smile like she does, and that's more than enough right now.

But who knows, maybe one day I'll get to play the hero again.